The How to Be British Collection

The How to Be British Collection

^ They HOW TO BE BRITISH CoU^ctLor\/

The How to Be British Collection

The How To Be British Collection

Martyn FordPeter Legon

The How to Be British Collection

The How To Be British Collection

Published by Lee Gone Publications, 11 Bowen Court, 31-35 The Drive, Hove, BN3 3JF, GB

First published 2003

Reprinted (twice) 2003

Reprinted (three) 2004

Reprinted (twice) 2005

Reprinted (twice) 2006

Reprinted (twice) 2007

Reprinted (twice) 2008

Reprinted 2009

Reprinted 2010

© Martyn Ford, Peter Legon 2003. All rights reserved.

Artwork by Martyn Ford.

ISBN 9780952287018

Printed in China.

All rights reserved; no part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval

system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the publishers.

The How to Be British Collection

for Jane and Nigel Taylor

The How to Be British Collection

1 True Brit

How do you do? Pleased to meet you. If you are a visitor to our country I expect by now you have realized why we call it Great Britain: our long and glorious history; the unspoilt beauty of our landscape; the rich variety of our weather, not to mention our unrivalled achievements in cricket and football. Then there are our cherished traditions: afternoon tea at four, roast beef on Sunday, and warm beer until 11pm. And there’s us, with our old-world courtesy and tolerance. Oh, and our sense of humour. I mustn’t forget that. We do like a good laugh!

As for me, well, I’m so many feet and inches tall, and I weigh so many stones, pounds and ounces. My petrol comes in gallons and my milk in pints — from a milkman. I pay for them, of course, in pounds sterling. My home is my castle and I ‘Do-it-Myself’. I only hope I live to pay off the mortgage on it. My garden is my recreation and a sanctuary to many endangered species, not least of all myself!

Expressions to learn

Well done! You deserved to win.

Avoid saying

What is that in metres/kilos/litres?

The How to Be British Collection

You can tell I'm British because...

I live in the pastI don't care what people thinkI'm a different person when the sun's outI'm not bothered about a bit of dustI never refuse a drink I don't speak a _____________________foreign languageI'm lost without my dogI wouldn't live anywhere else!

The How to Be British Collection

2 Arrival

You can see the visitors arriving at British airports, their wide eyes and flushed faces expressing the mingled wonder and apprehension they feel. They’ve made it! They’re actually here, in this fairy tale land of knights and wizards, princes and pop idols, the birthplace of the industrial revolution, computers, human rights, pork scratchings, evolution, lawn tennis, parliament and punk. Some of the new arrivals look a bit disorientated and confused, which is only natural as everything here is so different and, well, so much better! But life here can take a bit of getting used to: driving on the left, being ruled by a Queen, pouring gravy or custard over everything and of course getting around in English the whole time! One thing the visitor soon discovers: although Brits come in many different shapes and sizes we are united by one very important characteristic: we are all waiting for the weather to ‘buck up’.

Expressions to learn

Hello. You must be Big Ben. I’ve heard a lot about you.

Avoid saying

Tell me — why do you have a royal family?

The How to Be British Collection

yHpatt foam

)J The

weather

The foodThe countryside

and the language

for the odd bobWotcha.mate! How are ue diddling"?Bloominqbrqss monkey weather innit, eh? Say, how are uou .fixedor two...?

3 m having

a. time hctc!

The How to Be British Collection

3 The Telephone Box

Before mobile phones made everything so easy, the public telephone box was an important focus for community life. People of all types and classes would form an orderly queue outside its red iron door, clutching their pennies and waiting patiently for their turn to be linked up to the great wide world. For a shy people like the British it was an opportunity to meet and exchange news and gossip with neighbours and to get some fresh air. And what’s more, once you were inside that box everything you said was private. Everybody uses mobiles nowadays, but talking loudly in public places with unseen faces, about personal feelings or secret dealings...well it’s not something our true Brit feels comfortable about! Now there's a new generation of phone boxes which can link you up to the Internet, receive e-mails, take payment by phone card or credit card. Impressive, perhaps, but where is the romance?

Expressions to learn

Just popping out to the phone box — I’ll be back tomorrow night.

Avoid saying

It’s me. I’m on the train.

The How to Be British Collection

rIn the good old days, the traditional British TELEPHONE BOX was a national symbol, providing a focus for community, a lifeline to the great wide world...

An<J ujeVe I'm married nt^^ucn£i^i?Ves Manaaer at the

&&&&&■

The How to Be British Collection

4 Dress Sense

A city street in mainland Britain. It’s 11.15pm on a cold Friday night in the dead of winter. Two young women in crop tops showing their bare waists and shoulders, and mini skirts with no tights underneath are strolling along arm in arm. “’Elio, darling!” they shout, “where you from then?” And they run off down the road screaming with laughter. …… 此处隐藏：6670字，全部文档内容请下载后查看。喜欢就下载吧 ……