part V essay writing(10)

that little children wouldn't judge how I looked. 16Once I was no longer fat, I realized that I love working with all sorts of people. I became a campus guide and even had small parts in college theater productions. 18As a result, last year I changed my major

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to public relations. The area fascinates me, and I now have good job prospects there.

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I have also become more emotionally honest. 21Rose, at the college counseling

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center, helped me see that my \and jolly\personality had been false. I was

afraid others would reject me if I didn't always go along with their suggestions. 23I eventually put Rose's advice to the test. 24My roommates were planning an evening at a Greek restaurant. 25I loved the restaurant's atmosphere, but there wasn't much I liked on the menu. Finally, in a shaky voice I said, \lamb. 27How about Chinese food?\28They scolded me for not mentioning it before, and we had dinner at a Chinese restaurant. We all agreed it was one of our best evenings out.

Fortunately, the low point of my first year turned out to be the turning point leading to what promises to be an exciting senior year. 31Greg's cruel joke became a strange sort of favor, and I've gone from wanting to resign from the human race to welcoming each day as a source of fresh adventure and self-discovery.

1. In \Loss,\is the number of the sentence to which the transition words For one thing could be added in paragraph 2?

2. What is the number of the sentence to which the transition word Also could be added in paragraph 2?

3. What is the number of the sentence to which the transition word But could be added in paragraph 2? 4. In sentence 11, to what does the pronoun them refer?

5. What is the number of the sentence to which the transition word However could be added in paragraph 3?

6. What word is used as a synonym for obese in paragraph 3? 7. How many times is the key word weight used in the essay?

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8. What is the number of the supporting paragraph that should be placed in the emphatic final position?

4. Revising Essays for All Four Bases: Unity, Support, Coherence, and Sentence Skills

Exercise:

In this activity, you will evaluate and revise two essays in terms of all four bases: unity, support, coherence, and sentence skills. Comments follow each supporting paragraph. Circle the letter of the one statement that applies in each case.

Chiggers

I had lived my whole life not knowing what chiggers are. I thought they were probably a type of insect Humphrey Bogart encountered in The African Queen. I never had any real reason to care, until one day last summer. Within twenty-four

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hours, I had vividly experienced what chigger bites are, learned how to treat them, and learned how to prevent them.

First of all, I learned that chiggers are the larvae of tiny mites found in the woods and that their bites are always multiple and cause intense itching. A beautiful summer day seemed perfect for a walk in the woods I am definitely not a city person, for I couldn't stand to be surrounded by people, noise, and concrete. As I walked through the ferns and pines, I noticed what appeared to be a dusting of reddish seeds or pollen on my slacks. Looking more closely, I realized that each speck was a tiny insect. I casually brushed off a few and gave them no further thought. I woke up the next morning feeling like a victim staked to an anthill by an enemy wise in the ways of torture. Most of my body was speckled with measlelike bumps that at the slightest touch burned and itched like a mosquito bite raised to the twentieth power. When antiseptics and calamine lotion failed to help, I raced to my doctor for emergency aid. a.

Paragraph 2 contains an irrelevant sentence.

b. Paragraph 2 lacks supporting details at one key spot. c. Time order in paragraph 2 is confused. d. Paragraph 2 contains two run-ons.

Healing the bites of chiggers, as the doctor diagnosed them to be, is not a simple procedure. It seems that there is really no wonder drug or commercial product to help. The victim must rely on a harsh and primitive home remedy and mostly wait out the course of the painful bites. First, the doctor explained, the skin must be bathed carefully in alcohol. An antihistamine spray applied several hours later will soothe the intense itching and help prevent infection. Before using the spray, I had to saturate each bite with gasoline or nail polish to kill any remaining chiggers. A few days after the treatment, the bites finally healed. Although I was still in pain, and desperate for relief, I followed the doctor's instructions. I carefully applied gasoline to the bites and walked around for an hour smelling like a filling station. a.

Paragraph 3 contains an irrelevant sentence.

b. Paragraph 3 lacks supporting details at one key spot. c. Time order in paragraph 3 is confused. d. Paragraph 3 contains one fragment.

Most important of all, I learned what to do to prevent getting chigger bites in the future. Mainly, of course, stay out of the woods in the summertime. But if the temptation is too great on an especially beautiful day, I'll be sure to wear the right type of clothing, like a long-sleeved shirt, long pants, knee socks, and closed shoes. In addition, I'll cover myself with clouds of superstrength insect repellent. I will then shower thoroughly as soon as I get home, I also will probably burn all my clothes if I notice even one suspicious red speck.

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a. Paragraph 4 contains an irrelevant sentence.

b. Paragraph 4 lacks supporting details at one key spot. c. Paragraph 4 lacks transitional words.

d. Paragraph 4 contains a run-on and a fragment.

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