英语幽默笑话精选

这是我在平时的英语学习中见到的自认为经典的英语笑话,他们的语言地道,精炼准确,很适合中小学,高中,大学生自行学习,可背诵,再叙述,熟读等配合学习,希望对大家有所帮助!更多精彩期待中!

吝啬鬼的聚会

[ 2007-09-17 08:12 ]

The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to the fifth floor and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."

"Why use my elbow and foot?"

"Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-handed, are you?" 结婚付出的代价

A little boy asked his father: Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?

The father replied: I don 't know son. I 'm still paying!!

林肯过生日

[ 2007-09-13 09:14 ]

Teacher: What great event happened in 1809?

Little Willy: Abraham Lincoln was born.

Teacher: Correct. And what great event happened in 1812?

Little Willy: Abraham Lincoln had his third birthday.

相亲

[ 2007-09-12 09:02 ]

After being with her all evening, the man couldn't take another minute with his blind date. Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone so he would have an excuse to leave. When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said, "I have some bad news. My grandfather just died." "Thank heavens," his date replied. "If yours hadn't, mine would have had to!"

上帝的拼字游戏

[ 2007-09-11 09:02 ]

There was a little girl who was praying in her bedroom. When her grandfather passed by, he tried to listen while she was praying. But all he heard was "A, B, C, D, E, F..." through the whole alphabet. The girl recited it over and over again so the grandfather said, "Hey kid, what are you doing?" The granddaughter said, "I'm praying." So he said, "What kind of prayer is that?" And the girl said, "Well, I tried to pray to God, but I don't know what to say to Him. So I gave Him the whole alphabet, and He can put it together Himself." 老谋深算

[ 2007-09-10 08:26 ]

这是我在平时的英语学习中见到的自认为经典的英语笑话,他们的语言地道,精炼准确,很适合中小学,高中,大学生自行学习,可背诵,再叙述,熟读等配合学习,希望对大家有所帮助!更多精彩期待中!

There was a 75-year-old multi-millionaire who had just married a beautiful 18-year-old blond girl. So his friends asked him, "How did you manage to get an 18-year-old girl to marry you, when you're 75?"

An导盲犬帮我看

[ 2007-09-07 09:04 ]

A blind man with a seeing eye dog at his side walks into a grocery store.

The man walks to the middle of the store, picks up the dog by the tail, and starts swinging the dog around in circles over his head.

The store manager, who has seen all this, thinks this is quite strange. So, he decides to find out what's going on. The store manager approaches the blind man swinging the dog and says, "Pardon me. May I help you with something." The blind man says, "No thanks. I'm just looking around."

d the old man replied, "I told her I was 99, so she would marry me quick!"

长寿秘诀

[ 2007-09-06 08:08 ]

A woman walks up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch.

"I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she says. "What's your secret for a long, happy life?"

"I smoke three packs a day, drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods and never, ever exercise."

"Wow, that's amazing," says the woman. "How old are you?"

"Twenty-six."

交换三明治

[ 2007-09-05 08:09 ]

Two attorneys went into a diner and ordered two drinks. Then they took out sandwiches from their briefcases and started to eat.

The waiter became quite concerned and marched over and told them,―You can‘t eat your own sandwiches here!‖The attorneys looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders and then exchanged sandwiches

石油

[ 2007-09-04 08:00 ]

Teacher: What do we do with crude oil?

Pupil: Teach it some manners!

历史考试

[ 2007-09-03 08:12 ]

Aunt: How did Jim do his history examination?

这是我在平时的英语学习中见到的自认为经典的英语笑话,他们的语言地道,精炼准确,很适合中小学,高中,大学生自行学习,可背诵,再叙述,熟读等配合学习,希望对大家有所帮助!更多精彩期待中!

Mother: Oh, not at all well, but there, it wasn't his fault. Why, they asked him things that happened before the poor boy was born.

复数形式

[ 2007-08-31 08:49 ]

Teacher: What is the plural of mouse?

Pupil: Mice.

Teacher: Good, now what's the plural of baby?

Pupil: Twins!

两块饼干

Mother: Do you want a cookie, Pierre? Do you want a cookie, Pierre? Pierre: Yes, Mum.

Mother: Why must I ask you twice?

Pierre: Because, Mum, I want two cookies.

老师和学生

[ 2007-08-29 08:15 ]

Teacher: I want you to tell me the longest sentence you can think of.

Pupi: Life imprisonment!

蝙蝠的故事

[ 2007-08-28 08:17 ]

Two vampire bats wake up in the middle of the night, thirsty for blood. One says, "Let's fly out of the cave and get some blood."

"We're new here," says the second one. "It's dark out, and we don't know where to look. We'd better wait until the other bats go with us."

The first bat replies, "Who needs them? I can find some blood somewhere." He flies out of the cave.

When he returns, he is covered with blood.

The second bat says excitedly, "Where did you get the blood?"

The first bat takes his …… 此处隐藏：24156字，全部文档内容请下载后查看。喜欢就下载吧 ……